Today you turned three years old. Happy Birthday, Boys! I had been telling you both for a few weeks that your birthday was coming soon, and on this morning when you woke up I told you that it was finally here, that 3 years ago you came screaming into this world. Nathan, you said that you wanted a blue candle and Dylan wanted a green one. Also, you asked if your friends would be coming to help you eat the birthday cake.
We celebrated by eating chocolate cake that I made the night before. And since your Dad is still away offshore, so yesterday I bought a present for you two from your father. This morning after brekkie you opened your pressies and were so delighted to find that you got a box of new Lego for Nathan and a set of animal farm for you Dylan, those are from Timbo and Grandma. You will have your birthday party next Sunday, so I assume you will get more toys later. All day long you two asked for birthday cake, and being the very mean mother that I am, I wouldn’t let you eat any until after dinner.
For the last few weeks, you both have had some sort of illness, a cold or an endless runny nose, and Nathan just got rid of his chickenpox too. I am sorry that the last couple week I became so unpleasant mother to be around. I was frustrated with my own things and stressed because your father is not around when we need him. Sometimes I worry that the most vivid memory you are going to have of me from this time is the scowl on my face. Often I am ashamed that I am not the mother I thought I was going to be. I should be more playful, should sing more songs, color more pictures. I hope that I would never find myself this low again. Sometimes I am really thinking that I am going to have depression. I feel like I want to scream until I can not sense the world around me. But I promise you that I will do everything I can to fight it so that your memories of me are not painful. So that my memories of you will be in color.
There have been many days when I didn’t think you would ever stop talking, days when you out spoke your own father. Especially you Dylan, you always love to talk and ask millions of questions that sometimes I run out of answers. If I just reply to make you quiet, you will not be satisfied and keep torturing me until I have the right answer for you. And you Nathan, you always always ask the same questions that Dylan just asked and I just answered it. If I ignore you, you even become more persistent until I have to say the same thing over and over again. It’s so tiring Boys…especially when I am doing something else, like driving or cooking dinner. The “WHY” question is never ending.
Nathan & Dylan, you continue to delight us with your enthusiasm for life. You both are always interested in being outdoorsy type of children. You both like to know what’s the name of that bird, or why the chooks at the next neighbour don’t make a noise, as they always do. It’s a tricky year, because legend has it that two years old can be repulsive human beings. And while there have been plenty of those horrible moments there have been so many more that have made your father and me question whether or not life could get any fuller. You have brought him closer to me, and not just because we’re here in the trenches together, dodging your bombs and gunfire. I see how much he loves you both, how he looks at me when you two do something funny so that we can share that brief moment together. Living with you two has been something else we have fallen in love over, you are what we have in common. And every night after we put you to bed and settle down to watch a show or read a book, your father and I will first talk to each other, will repeat something ridiculous you have said during the day.
Dylan, you like to read a book and you love to read them back to me lately, not always word for word, but always understanding what is happening on each page. The way you two say your good-night when we tuck you in and I love you, Mummy and Daddy, is always touch my heart and make you both look like my sweet little angels. Nathan, you always make me feel like I’m the prettiest mum in the world. Every time you see me wearing a skirt or nice top you will say, ‘My mummy is pretty’ while Dylan the other day thinks that I look like a funny monster!