Before you proceed to read this, for some of you who know me for a long time, this posting probably will bore you out. Same old story of me that you may think, oh gosh woman just facing it…you’ve done this before and you are still survive until now. So what’s the deal? If you don’t know what am I going to write or whinge, let me spread it.
Daniel, my DH got offered a job to work in Beijing, China. He will work on 28/28 basis which means 28 days working and 28 days off (home). I am happy for him and I will support him in every way I can, if he decides to accept this offer. I am also thinking that the Boys and myself can visit him sometime, when he only works in the office and not going offshore.
But the other part of me also starting to get a little bit cold feed thinking about this. Being just on my own for 28 days with two 4 years old boys, a puppy, a house that is in the middle of building process, doing day to day errands, and mother duties, can I manage them all by myself? Can I stay sane until my husband comes home again? Can I not strangle the kids or kill the dog (and eat it) by end of the month? Am I not going to lose my patience over little things the Boys do? Am I able to still be a good and caring mum for them? And the most important thing is, how Nathan and Dylan are going to cope without father figure on 28/28? And when he is home, can we stand each other without have to kill each other? Can I keep calm to watch all my routines are gone and then when he’s back to work I have to start from scratch again? Can I do all of those on my own? Bear in mind he’ll be in contract for 12 months. The positive side is, in theory he only works for 6 months in a year.
Daniel has been in this industry for quiet such a long time. This kind of job requires lots of time away from the family. There are also times that he only works in town nine to five. So far he had missed twice the Boys birthdays, couple times my birthdays and his, and our anniversary. Lucky enough he has never missed Christmas and New Year with us, yet. And so far the longest time he’s been away is 7 weeks. So I guess 7 weeks compares to 28 days, makes 28 doesn’t sound that bad, huh?
I guess I am just a bit overwhelmed with the prospect of spending the whole month without him. It is kind of funny when I think about my single life when there was time I have no boyfriends at all and I had never felt lonely and scared. Perhaps I still have my parents around and being single and fearless and young at that time, the only thing I thought was conquered the world. Now that I am married and have children my priority in life is changed and I have more responsibilities for those two young life of mine. I am hoping that I can still be able to do some of the “boys time” with them as they usually have with Daniel. What I mean with the “boys time” in here is thing such as; playing wrestling, kicking the footy, walking in the bush, racing on their bikes, going to Bunnings on Sunday afternoon only to buy some screws, collecting an insects and keep them in the bug keeper, and any other boys’ stuff that he is used to do with the Boys. I do hope at the end of the day I still have the energy to do one of those “boys time” with my Boys, omit the insect thing.
I am sure out there lots of women and wives and mothers have similar situation with me. I am not the only one doing this. The difference is probably some of those women have their own family live around or near them, either their parents, in-laws, sisters/brothers. And they also have quite lots of friends, not like me. Both our families are separated by 4 to 5 hours flying. I have friends but not lots and they are very good friends to me. My own problems are; I hate week-ends when my husband’s away. I feel so lonely and isolated and I envy all those people who can get together with their love ones. Every where I go I see husbands and wives/partners with their children, or young couple or even elderly couple spending their time either walking hand in hand, having a picnic, or even just having a cuppa at their home.
It makes me feel kind of sad for Nathan and Dylan and sorry for myself because I feel like they don’t have a father and I am a widow. I know this is just my feeling, it is when I am thinking not with my brain but my heart. But I can’t help. Though we are still going somewhere, often I will take the Boys to the parks or beaches and we have a good time, but deep down inside I feel alone and lonely.
My other old nightmare is I can’t sleep at night. I have tried every thing, reading a book or crap magazines, have a warm nice bath and drink hot chocolate, praying and keep praying, my eyes want to close but something inside my head tells me not. When I close my eyes I will hear all the noises, even a very little tiny soft noise will make me jumpy and my heart will beat like crazy. I only can sleep when it is almost morning, when I can hear the birds start to sing and the traffic on the road start to move or my neighbors next door going out for his early jogging along the river. Then I can close my eyes in peace. I am very worried and nervous of people will break in the house, I am not scared of ghost, I think ghost is afraid of me! I feel safer to go to sleep when the morning rise because in my head I know people are going to work or busy cleaning or working around their house, and it’s morning, bright light, every thing is alive, not dead and eerie like in the night time. When Daniel is home I sleep like a log to pay off all those nights he’s away, I suppose.
It’s annoying and it really drives me crazy. Because the whole day I will look like a zombie and act like a monster to the children. Most nights I will stay up until dawn and then go to bed, I will toss and turn and hear all the noises for couple minutes before I fall asleep. I wasn’t like this before. The first time I moved to Perth when I married Daniel, we lived in apartment for a while. And he straight away left me alone to go offshore in Indonesia for a month, but I was fine and not scared at all. I feel safer living in the apartment because it’s closed to other people and there was a security 24/7. Once we moved to a house, my nightmare started. One night I was so scared that I had to call 000 from inside the cupboard. Yep, I was hiding in the cupboard while I was dialing the number for I was petrified that someone was outside my house. I did this twice. Now I am getting a bit better than I used to be. And hopefully this episode of my drama will end up soon. Since we have Sam, our 6 months old Golden Retriever x German Sheppard, I feel a little more relax at night thinking if somebody is trying to break in at least Sam will bark and his bark even though he’s still puppy is pretty loud and I am sure it will scared them out!
ven’t heard any more news about the job since my husband is going away offshore at the moment. Whatever decision he makes I’m sure it will be for the best of every thing. All in all, I don’t want him to decline the job because his scared kitty wife! I can do this and I will keep my spirit up with a positive attitude.