Whether you like it or not, one day your child/children will ask you stuff about sex. Where did I come from, mummy? What makes a baby? In the beginning when they are at the very young age, you perhaps keep the answer as simple as possible, by telling them that baby comes from mummy’s tummy.
Then as they get bit older, more complex and challenging questions will arise, not only about where baby comes from. They are interested in parts of their body as well. Why mummy doesn’t have a willy, Daddy? Or why you don’t have boobies like mummy, Dad? ( at least not as big? ). And by the time they reach at certain age, let’s say around 9 or 10 years old…they will ask you questions such as, what’s a virgin, what is homo-sexual? Or what is homo-sexual means? They will hear all those things either from their friends at school, television, ad campaign, or even from the parents, etc.
The point is, do you lie to your children about sex? Do you tell them that mummy and daddy love each other and they kiss and there you are, or the stork brings the baby, or what…
I remember, late last year my twin 1 ( he was 9 ) asked me ” what is a virgin “, after he listened to Madonna’s Like A Virgin song on the radio. I said, a virgin is someone who never kissed before (thanks Madonna!) Then couple days after that, when I picked him up from school, he blurted out to me: ‘ Mum, you lied to me about what a virgin is. It’s not a person who never kiss before!’ I didn’t expect this, so I said, ‘ Oh… so what is a virgin then?’ He said, ‘Well, my friend told me a virgin is someone who has never had sex before’ (followed by a giggle from his twins brother). Me: ‘In what occasion you and your friend talk about a virgin?’ Him: ‘Oh…we were playing outside at recess time and a Virgin airplane flew above our head…’ Bloody Virgin airplane!
My sons understand what sex, in various context, actually means. I didn’t recall explaining to both of them about the meaning of the word s e x. I remembered asking them, do you know what sex is? And their answer is when a man and woman making love (followed by big Eeeeewww….) Further investigation they knew it from school.
As a parents, we often lie to our children. We lie about the Tooth Fairy, about Santa Claus ( and I still like them to believe in Santa! ) and lots of other stuff. One thing my husband and I never lie about is sex. Of course, we don’t talk about how great sex is and how good it feels. At times we explain to them about the differences between boys’ and girls’ bodies, about uterus, egg, and sperm. We explain to them about IVF and C-section. They are parts of birth stories that they hear discussed all the time.
My husband and I would like to become “ask-able” parents where they can ask any question about sex, freely. We believe by lying or tell them the ‘porky pie’ stories, it only will mis-guide them. I don’t want them to grow ashamed of their bodies and have misinterpretation about sex.
The fact that our child is a sexual human being, I expect that they will be exposed to sexual matters whether we like it or not. If we as a parents don’t make an effort to explain the truth about sex, then our children’s friends, media or television will.
Sex is good but also can be dangerous, emotionally and physically (health wise), if you’re not careful. By telling them the truth and letting it sink in, when the time comes, they will make a good decision…..HOPEFULLY!
Above all, keep calm and be prepared!
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