motherhood : on being a pushy mama

What kind of parent are you? What type of mother are you? Are you the strict and disciplined, or relaxed and not so pushy kind? Are you a tiger mum or softie mum?


As a parent/s how far will you push your children to do things for their life, that you as a parent, think it will be good for them and for their future? I have to confess that I am quite a pushy kind of mother.  I pushed my twin 1 to speak louder and come out from his very shyness. I drilled twin 2 hundred times on time tables until he remembers all by heart and forced him to read book every night.  I take no to “I don’t wanna go to school” on Monday morning because school is boring.  Even though I don’t need to push them to do sports, as they love it so much, I still encourage them to do sports rather than being a couch potato and playing games on Wii/DS/Ipod or any gadgets after school.  Though sometimes this activity will back-fire on me, as they have too many sports to attend and I’m running out of time!

Have you read the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua? I have.  Well, while I don’t agree of all her parenting style, I think she’s a bit too extreme as a role model, but I take my hat off to her for being a very tough and hard mum to her daughters. She has lots of critics about the way she raised her daughters.   I am not a tiger mother but I am pretty sure I am in the category of mean mum.  I have certain rules that there’s no way they can break it, I don’t take whining and whinging children too good either (maybe because I have boys?)  I teach my boys if you commit to do something then no matter what, (unless you are really really sick and can’t move) you gotta do it.  If you say yes to something then do it, even if you suck but at least you have tried. They have chores that they have to do i.e. put the rubbish bin out, feed the animals, tidy up their play room, if they fail to do so their weekly pocket-money will get deducted.

Sometimes I wonder, is it worth being a pushy mother like me? Who am I doing all this pushing for, my boys or myself? Often I almost give in when my boys refuse to go to their training or tutoring. How easy to say to them, sure you can skip training today.  It’s so tempting to ignore the 4.45 am alarm clock and continue sleeping ( especially when it’s winter and it’s still very dark outside!), but unlike my ‘compromise’ and soft hearted partner-in-crime, I will get out of my comfy and warm bed, and yell at them to get up, and have my kids hate me and called me mean mummy.  It breaks my heart sometimes that they are scared to talk to me because they know they can’t get away with it and I will get mad at them.  I can never say, let the kids make their choices and follow their hearts, at least not until they are 18 perhaps? 🙂

One thing I do agree with Amy Chua’s parenting is what she said in her book : “the best way to protect the children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”  I agree.  Self esteem is something that we can’t give it to the kids, but they must earn it, it comes from achievement.

What about you? What kind of parent are you? Don’t worry I won’t judge 🙂 Because I believe every child is different and unfortunately there’s no manual on parenting but you just go with what’s best for you and your child. At the end of the day I’m pretty sure that we, as a parents, want only the best thing for our children.

I hope you all have a good Monday, it’s going to be a busy week for us as we are prepping for our camping trip! Yeah, only four more days and it’s school holidays…hooray!


28 responses to “motherhood : on being a pushy mama”

    • Setuju dengan tulisan elo itu Man. Untuk hal2 yang principle memang kita perlu tegas dan keras, yang ga principal masih bole lah pake acara tawar2an 🙂 Susah2 gampang ya jadi ortu itu, dikerasin salah ga dikerasin koq bandel banget….ini anak gue ya 🙂 Meskipun mereka kembar, tapi sifat2nya beda banget. Yang satu bisa dikerasin yang satunya ga. Well, even as a parent we are still learning! 🙂


  1. I read that book a few years a go mba, Despite the fact I am not a parent. I find it really interesting. She was really mean wasn’t she? especially when the kids made her birthday card and she told them to re do it. I find the children’s perception growing up is funny too. I found the book fascinating.


    • Yes, that birthday card part I do agree with you, how could she’s so cold like that? And the fact that they are not allowed to have play date awww…. I think kids have to be kids no matter what, play date is a must! But I like the book, the story, I think she’s very honest and brave.


  2. Masih harus belajar banyak buat jadi orang tua nii dan kayaknya aku tipe yang santai deeh. Pernah berusaha tegas eh anaknya belum bisa bedain mana tegas, mana marah mana galak. Maklum ni masih balita, yaa anaknya yaa ibunya 😀


  3. I am a friendly but yet firm and discipline mum. Like you I persuade G to do what she wants and sticks to it. No excuses. I don’t care what her friends do or may do from their parents. That is mostly her argument if she wants to do something new.

    Do the boys have morning training every day? It is from swimming right? What a dedication Ria!


    • Yes Lo, they swim 4 times a week 5 if there’s competition. two in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. The afternoon is not bad 4-6, but the morning is hard. I feel sorry for them but then they love swimming and they want to do it. Sometimes I have to remember that they are still 10, so I can’t push too hard, and swimming is a long and lonely sport I guess, not like a team sport. Swimming, you back and forth those black lines for two hours solid… I do agree with you, once you do something you gotta stick with it.


  4. You have awesome boys! I am a pushy mom because if it’s not me no one else will fill the shoes. Sometimes I feel exhausted but that’s what single motherhood is like you have to take on two roles at once.


    • I can feel you. I feel like a single mum too sometimes, because you know that my hubby is commute between Brissie and Perth, so for those two weeks I gotta be on my own. Then when he’s back, suddenly all my routines are gone and then that’s when I can be an angry wild mama….hahahaa!


        • Iya nihhhh… Pdhl itu komen pake di revise berulanh kali sblm di publish 😂😂😂 Intinya sih kl gw blg semua org pnya parenting masing2, yg cocok buat satu org blm tentu bgs utk org lain. N lagian semua ortu ingin yg terbaik bagi anaknya, so who am I to judge gitu lho… Oh ya dan gw paling gak suka kl ada org yg nadanya menggurui gt, pdhl gw gak minta nasihat 😂😂😂 lho kok jd curcol 😱 😜


          • Iya bener, karena character tiap anak juga beda2 kan. The boys aza yang cuma beda 10 menit, characternya beda 180 derajat, yang satu harus di’kerasin’ yg satu-nya ga bisa.

            Agree with you, no one should preach you about how you handle your own kid right? unless you ask for advice or help.


          • He eh, masing2 pnya keunikannya sndiri2 (ngelirik si Mischa trus tarik nafas) 😂😂😂😂
            Emberrrr… Soal parenting, agama n ras gini, salah2 ngomong dikit senggol bacok soalnya, hahaha 😜😜


  5. Ria, your twins are 10 mins apart? Mine are 9 mins apart and people say how come so far apart? Usually twins are about less than 5 mins apart :):)
    I would say I am a strick mom, and the same as Yoyen, when my kids do any activity they have to be serious about it and do their best every time, and enjoy it the most. We do not have games or electronic gadgets as I always tell my kids they have to earn it if they wanna have it by getting a very good result in their school provincial examination and since we do not have anything like that they don’t miss it. They hardly watch any TV on weekends, during the week they’re so busy with sports and other activities they do not have the time to watch TV.
    I am not into sleep over yet, but they are in Scouts, I let them go to an overnight Camp once, only 1 night camp so not so bad. I am also very firm but you know what? You have to pick your battle, I don’t sweat the small stuff. Here in Canada majority of school do not required uniform (how I miss school in Australia) when the kids were in kindergarten they were in public school and were not required to wear uniform. I can see my daughter started to have preferences on what she wants to wear in the morning and the battle began. Then after doing research I found a better school with uniform, I put them in that school and that battle ended:)
    Hahaha we are the same when my kids have early morning (hockey) practices I will get out of my warm bed and started turning the hallway lights on, put a dance music on so they can get up. And when I get upset at them about something they know that it is really serious but after that I always explain it to them why I got upset and asked them what they think they did wrong. I always tell them I am mean because I am your mommy but I am mean for a reason, if I am their friend then I will be nice to them all the time and no consequences in any of their action.
    I think as parents, we need to be a little bit pushy, it is good for their discipline later in life. My kids can’t miss anything unless they have a fever whether it is school or sports, they love their sports so much, they also know that school is number 1 and there is no but or if when it comes to school.
    I told them manner is number 1 also because I can’t stand kids who have no manner!


    • Hei Gaareal, yes it was 10 minutes apart between them and it was a normal delivery too. After one came out, I had contraction for a while until the one finally came. Did you have them normal too? I didn’t know about that less than 5 minutes apart though 🙂
      I can’t agree more with all you said above, I’m glad that finally I have someone similar in being mean mummy….hahahaa! Yeah the gadgets stuff I wish my kids are like yours, they have their own Ipod which they bought with their own pocket money. During the week they only can play with it after they’ve done their homework and only until 8pm, after that no more gadgets. But they also spend lots of time doing outdoor activities and playing outside so I don’t mind if they watch a bit of telly on week-ends. Sometimes I feel they just like ‘energizer battery’ always on the go, busy and bustling, so a bit time off either reading or watching telly on Sunday arvo I can tolerate 🙂
      Here, they often got invited to have sleep over at their friends or vice versa I normally allow them to have sleep over only on the week-end, and if they don’t have any sports commitment or something. I think I have to learn from you about not to sweat over the small stuff! Otherwise it will do my head :p xx


  6. Yeap normal delivery for me, everyone asked me that I probably missed a contraction between them two. But they were about 5 weeks early so they had to stayed in the hospital for about 10 days. Thank God they were healthy.

    My kids love the water so much that we went to Florida in June and they stayed in the water all day for the whole trip, but of course I do not mind it at all. 🙂


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