on raising boys

Hello friends,

How have you been?  In my part of the world, it’s officially summer here! Hello longer days, balmy nights, beach life, tank top, shorts, flip flop, sunscreen,…. not so hello when the temperature hits 40 degrees, four days in the row though!

School is also finished.  Goodbye year ten and welcome soon year eleven.  Year 10 was a challenging one for the boys and also us as a parent.  I am just hoping that year 11 will be less difficult since they’ve already known what path they are going to be next year.  Two more years until I will say goodbye to the lunch box! 😝

On another note, twenty nineteen is almost over too.  I really feel this year has gone by so fast!  Do you feel like that too? I feel scared sometimes.  I would say 2019 for me personally is also a challenging year with lots of ups and downs.  Motherhood and parenting are so tough this year.  I’ve been shedding so many tears lately, happy tears occasionally but more frustrated and sad tears too.

I spend a lot of my days worrying about my children’s future.  Raising teenager boys at the tender age of 15 is really really challenging.  The word “challenging” will be used so many times here, I’m afraid to say! I have one that is very “challenging” to tackle and handle, and one is not so challenging, thank God for that, otherwise, this mama will go loony!🙀

I don’t have a girl so I don’t know whether it would be the same challenging tasks with girls.  But based on my experienced, in my teenage years,  I think girls are more sure of themselves (sometimes too sure), motivated and hard-working.  Boys…. are adrift in life, failing at school, at risk for violence, alcohol, and drugs.  Although the latter ones also happen to girls nowadays, I just realized.

According to the book I’ve read, there are three stages of boyhood, 1. the gentle years (from birth to six), 2. learning to be male (from six to thirteen), and 3.  becoming a man (fourteen and onwards).  So, I guess my boys are now in their stage 3 of boyhood, where their testosterone levels have increased by 800 per cent!! Argumentative, restless and moody, and rebellious, and also curiosity level is up to 1000 per cent!  They will do silly things out of their curiosity, and their brains just go out the window.  If you ask me, my fave stage is from six to thirteen, bring back those times, please!

I know everybody is different, so not all boys are criminals like mine.  Like I said, I have two perfect examples.   One with very high testosterone level, that keep testing on my patience and push every nerve buttons in my body, it’s just like riding a rollercoaster.  Every day is always “new” things, either good or bad ones.  While the other one is more manageable but also has different challenging behaviour.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, I fail to be a good mother. My husband and I feel we must do something wrong with our parenting style.  We are unsuccessful in being good parents to our children.  I really wish when I gave birth to them, they also came with a manual.  I really do.  The handbook that covers until they’re 21 years old perhaps?!  That would be handy, wouldn’t it?  Less headache and wrinkles for me!

Two things that I kind of know that my teenage boys need from us as parents are; one, a safe space.  Growing up is hard for themselves and providing them with a safe space, free of judgment to figure it all out is important.  Even though, it’s not that easy for me to do that as I’m a pretty judgemental mother.  Two is boundaries.  Having consistent boundaries with consequences is important, in my opinion.  Being grounded and got their mobile phone taken away, work well for my two boys!😈  And the last one I have to add an unconditional love.  Even though we are frustrated with our boys in a moment, that doesn’t mean we stop loving them.  The love we have for our children should never come with conditions.

Sorry if this post is mainly my whinging, that probably makes you think how bad mother I am because I can’t seem to raise my children perfectly PERFECT.  I am frustrated!  All I can do is keep trying my best and hoping that this shall pass.  That one day I could say I have raised complete men, not complete idiots.  That one day they become happy, well-balanced, and humble young men.  This mama can only pray and hope 🦋

If you have teenage boys too, I would love to hear from you, any tips and inputs are always welcome.  If you’re raising boys,  don’t be scared.  It’s not all boys are like mine tho.  You may be the lucky parents blessed with a brilliant brain and perfect behaviour kids. And if your kids are angels and intelligent, don’t read this post 😜

ohdearriasignature

7 thoughts on “on raising boys

  1. Mba.. I don’t have kids but I sure know you’re not a bad mother for ranting haha. You could be frustrated because you think you’re not meeting your own personal standard, maybe? And since I started working in a school this year and documenting many, many, many parenting workshops… whoah I am scared! haha but one of the most memorable parent workshop I wrote about was about understanding yourself first, before try to understand your kid. Maybe that’s easier said than done and I am never been in your shoes so apologies if I said anything that offends you (never my intention to) haha. soon they’ll be picking up their subject and go to uni, hihi tetap semangat mba xxx

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    1. Not offended at all Stel, just thankful for your input. I do have some expectations perhaps. But in this case, it’s more into the behaviour thingy that teenagers often do at this young age that make us parents frustrated. We can’t be too hard on them,
      but they also have to know there are boundaries. I try to look from their point of view too. And I do compare which is not good, I know. I just hope like the book said, and also based on my friends who have teenager boys too, that this phase will pass. One can only hope🙏🏼🙏🏼 Thank you Stella belle🥰

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  2. Paragraf 3 aku pun merasa hal yang sama.
    Paragraf 6 dst baca sambil ngakak. Tapi percayalahhh, Mbak. Tidak ada orang tua yang sempurna. Tapi gimana bisa menjalani dan mensyukuri ketidaksempurnaan itu 😇 Karena menjadi orang tua such like long learn live journey 😁

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